Seed Of Destiny
Sow a thought and reap a deed, Sow a deed and reap a habit, Sow a habit and reap a character, Sow a character and reap a destiny.
Say Goodbye
The most powerful anchor on our potential to soar high in life is the past. The past contains the dead weight of experience, learned beliefs and all our mistakes. Life cannot truly begin until we are able to say goodbye to the legacies of yesterday at will. Like a filing cabinet, the past is a resource of information for learning, but it is not a place to live. When you go to work do you spend your day in the filing cabinet? How often will you/did you live in the past today? Say goodbye and make it final. Saying farewell to yesterday, last month and last year is the sign of a person who wants to live for today and is truly alive to all the possibilities of 'the moment', while fully aware that all they think, say and do right now, creates tomorrow.
Self Worth
"A bar of iron costs $5, made into horseshoes its worth is $12, made into needles its worth is $3500, made into balance springs for watches, its worth is $300,000. Your own value is determined also by what you are able to make of yourself."
Generosity
If I limit the love I give to just one or two, it will eventually go stale. If I learn to create love inside my heart and silently give it to everyone I meet, love will grace every corner of my life.
Love And Dreams
A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams.
Know Yourself
Only in relationships can you know yourself, not in abstraction and certainly not in isolation. The movement of behaviour is the sure guide to yourself, it's the mirror of your consciousness; this mirror will reveal its content, the images, the attachments, the fears, the loneliness the joy and the sorrow. Poverty lies in running away from this, either in its sublimations or its identities.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Sunday, December 3, 2006
Today's Thought
Humming Bird
No matter how bad people may seem, they possess at least one virtue. Be like the humming bird and pick out the sweetness of everyone's character.
Be Peaceful
To be peaceful is to be free from expectations and to want nothing from anyone.
Patience
Patience is a virtue and a power too. Patience tells us that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and that we get over there one step at a time. Patience teaches us not to rush. Knowing that there is a reason and a season for everything it enables us to smile at the challenges, realizing that there is an answer to every problem. And, even though we cannot see it, yet there is awareness that within every crisis lies an opportunity.
When your open your eyes in the morning, sit for a moment and appreciate the gift of a new day, create a peaceful thought and enjoy some moments of silence throughout the whole day.
Be Content
Wherever I am is wherever I am meant to be, whatever I am doing is whatever I am meant to be doing and whatever everyone else is doing is exactly what they are meant to be doing - this is contentment. If you do want to change where you are, or what you are doing, the first thing is to be content with wherever you are and whatever you are doing right now! Paradoxically that's what attracts opportunities and invitations to be somewhere else! Why? Because you are a living magnet, and contentment is one of your most attractive qualities. And the law of attraction says that according to your dominant thoughts so you will attract the people and circumstances into your life. Being content right now attracts the best possible future.
Mindful Moments
Most of us are of sound mind, but many of us have trouble maintaining a note of harmony and peace. Most of us know how to think, but few of us are able to control our thoughts. We all have the capacity to be creative, to image new ideas, but few of us are able to do it together and co-create in harmony with each other. We could all do with some mental training so that we may use the most powerful energy in the universe, the mind, which is always at our instant disposal. We can begin with mindfulness. It's a simple way to gently help our mind go where it is best to go, do what is the best thing to do. It begins by simply being fully aware of what you are doing. Mostly we are not fully aware, as our minds wander into the past and then into possible futures. We spend most of our time watching others and so rarely fully focus on what we are actually doing ourselves. Next time you sit down to a meal, watch your self. Be aware of only what you are eating. Every time your mind wants to wander, bring it gently and lovingly back to the action and sensation of eating. Then do the same when cleaning, when writing, when working. The more you do it stronger and more focused and more rational will be your concentration, the more natural will be your actions, the more peaceful you will feel, and the more relaxed you will be, no matter what you are doing.
Expect Not
How fast can life become? How much can we do in the corporeal amount of time we have. There is only 24 hours in the day, but we're trying to fit 26 hours into it. If we could watch a movie of our average day we'd probably be amazed at all the things we try to do. And then there is the exact opposite. Some of us spend our lives watching others doing and achieving, and from these images we build such high expectations of our own life, and then sit around feeling utterly powerless in our attempts to meet these expectations. That powerlessness becomes hopelessness and hopelessness becomes depression. If we can just see this process and release these expectations. If we can at least be detached from any expectations, we will get back some of our inner power and self motivation. It helps to stop watching others and their lifestyles, especially in the media, and then comparing yourself to them. It helps to eliminate all but one 'I wish' from your mind. There is only one valid and useful 'I wish' and it is simply "I wish to be me". For that is all you can ever be. It is all you can ever have. It is all that you are. And when you know it, you will be free of all expectation and desire, and able to enter the most relaxed state of being, at will.
No matter how bad people may seem, they possess at least one virtue. Be like the humming bird and pick out the sweetness of everyone's character.
Be Peaceful
To be peaceful is to be free from expectations and to want nothing from anyone.
Patience
Patience is a virtue and a power too. Patience tells us that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step and that we get over there one step at a time. Patience teaches us not to rush. Knowing that there is a reason and a season for everything it enables us to smile at the challenges, realizing that there is an answer to every problem. And, even though we cannot see it, yet there is awareness that within every crisis lies an opportunity.
When your open your eyes in the morning, sit for a moment and appreciate the gift of a new day, create a peaceful thought and enjoy some moments of silence throughout the whole day.
Be Content
Wherever I am is wherever I am meant to be, whatever I am doing is whatever I am meant to be doing and whatever everyone else is doing is exactly what they are meant to be doing - this is contentment. If you do want to change where you are, or what you are doing, the first thing is to be content with wherever you are and whatever you are doing right now! Paradoxically that's what attracts opportunities and invitations to be somewhere else! Why? Because you are a living magnet, and contentment is one of your most attractive qualities. And the law of attraction says that according to your dominant thoughts so you will attract the people and circumstances into your life. Being content right now attracts the best possible future.
Mindful Moments
Most of us are of sound mind, but many of us have trouble maintaining a note of harmony and peace. Most of us know how to think, but few of us are able to control our thoughts. We all have the capacity to be creative, to image new ideas, but few of us are able to do it together and co-create in harmony with each other. We could all do with some mental training so that we may use the most powerful energy in the universe, the mind, which is always at our instant disposal. We can begin with mindfulness. It's a simple way to gently help our mind go where it is best to go, do what is the best thing to do. It begins by simply being fully aware of what you are doing. Mostly we are not fully aware, as our minds wander into the past and then into possible futures. We spend most of our time watching others and so rarely fully focus on what we are actually doing ourselves. Next time you sit down to a meal, watch your self. Be aware of only what you are eating. Every time your mind wants to wander, bring it gently and lovingly back to the action and sensation of eating. Then do the same when cleaning, when writing, when working. The more you do it stronger and more focused and more rational will be your concentration, the more natural will be your actions, the more peaceful you will feel, and the more relaxed you will be, no matter what you are doing.
Expect Not
How fast can life become? How much can we do in the corporeal amount of time we have. There is only 24 hours in the day, but we're trying to fit 26 hours into it. If we could watch a movie of our average day we'd probably be amazed at all the things we try to do. And then there is the exact opposite. Some of us spend our lives watching others doing and achieving, and from these images we build such high expectations of our own life, and then sit around feeling utterly powerless in our attempts to meet these expectations. That powerlessness becomes hopelessness and hopelessness becomes depression. If we can just see this process and release these expectations. If we can at least be detached from any expectations, we will get back some of our inner power and self motivation. It helps to stop watching others and their lifestyles, especially in the media, and then comparing yourself to them. It helps to eliminate all but one 'I wish' from your mind. There is only one valid and useful 'I wish' and it is simply "I wish to be me". For that is all you can ever be. It is all you can ever have. It is all that you are. And when you know it, you will be free of all expectation and desire, and able to enter the most relaxed state of being, at will.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Who did it?
Do you like moral dilemmas? Be judge & jury in this short story.
This personality test sets you a moral dilemma in a love story & a murder. Answer the five questions at the end to reveal its meaning & something about your personality.
The Story
There is a river with a bridge over it, and a WIFE and her HUSBAND live in a house on one side. The WIFE has a LOVER who lives on the other side. The only way to get across the river is to walk across the bridge or ask the BOATMAN to take you.
The HUSBAND has to go on an overnight business trip in a faraway town.. The WIFE pleads with him to take her with him. She knows if he doesn't she'll be unfaithful to him. The HUSBAND absolutely refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business. So the husband goes alone.
That night the WIFE goes over the bridge & stays with her LOVER. Dawn is almost up when the WIFE leaves because she must be back home before her HUSBAND returns. She starts across the bridge but sees an ASSASSIN waiting for her on the other side. She knows if she tries to cross, he will murder her. In terror, she runs up the side of the river and asks the BOATMAN to take her across the river, but he wants half-a-crown. She has no money, so he refuses to take her.
The WIFE runs back to the LOVER'S house & explains her predicament and asks him for the half-a-crown to pay the BOATMAN. The LOVER refuses, telling her it's her own fault for getting into this situation. As dawn comes up the WIFE is nearly out of her mind & decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the ASSASSIN, he takes a large knife and stabs her until she is dead.
How to do this test.Now give the names of the five characters in the order in which you think they were most responsible for the WIFE'S death. ie The WIFE, HUSBAND, LOVER, ASSASSIN, & BOATMAN in the order you think they are most guilty.
Here's the key to this.
LOVER = SEX
WIFE = FUN (fun could also mean contentment)
ASSASSIN = MONEY
BOATMAN = MAGIC (magic could also mean luck)
HUSBAND = LOVE
Each of the characters is a symbol for one aspect in your life, it reveals what's most important to you in your life. Therefore if you thought that the lover was the most responsible then sex is the most important thing in your life. If you thought that the wife was second most responsible then fun is the second most important thing in your life and so on.
This personality test sets you a moral dilemma in a love story & a murder. Answer the five questions at the end to reveal its meaning & something about your personality.
The Story
There is a river with a bridge over it, and a WIFE and her HUSBAND live in a house on one side. The WIFE has a LOVER who lives on the other side. The only way to get across the river is to walk across the bridge or ask the BOATMAN to take you.
The HUSBAND has to go on an overnight business trip in a faraway town.. The WIFE pleads with him to take her with him. She knows if he doesn't she'll be unfaithful to him. The HUSBAND absolutely refuses to take her because she will only be in the way of his important business. So the husband goes alone.
That night the WIFE goes over the bridge & stays with her LOVER. Dawn is almost up when the WIFE leaves because she must be back home before her HUSBAND returns. She starts across the bridge but sees an ASSASSIN waiting for her on the other side. She knows if she tries to cross, he will murder her. In terror, she runs up the side of the river and asks the BOATMAN to take her across the river, but he wants half-a-crown. She has no money, so he refuses to take her.
The WIFE runs back to the LOVER'S house & explains her predicament and asks him for the half-a-crown to pay the BOATMAN. The LOVER refuses, telling her it's her own fault for getting into this situation. As dawn comes up the WIFE is nearly out of her mind & decides to dash across the bridge. When she comes face to face with the ASSASSIN, he takes a large knife and stabs her until she is dead.
How to do this test.Now give the names of the five characters in the order in which you think they were most responsible for the WIFE'S death. ie The WIFE, HUSBAND, LOVER, ASSASSIN, & BOATMAN in the order you think they are most guilty.
Here's the key to this.
LOVER = SEX
WIFE = FUN (fun could also mean contentment)
ASSASSIN = MONEY
BOATMAN = MAGIC (magic could also mean luck)
HUSBAND = LOVE
Each of the characters is a symbol for one aspect in your life, it reveals what's most important to you in your life. Therefore if you thought that the lover was the most responsible then sex is the most important thing in your life. If you thought that the wife was second most responsible then fun is the second most important thing in your life and so on.
Dalai Lama Test
The Dalai Lama is said to have put forward this personality test.
See if it works for you. Just 3 questions and the answers could surprise you. There are no right or wrong answers this is an honest questionnaire which could tell you a lot about your true self.
1. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.
Tiger
Cow
Horse
Sheep
Pig
2. Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog
Cat
Coffee
Ocean
Rat
3. Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color.
Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green
Finished? Please be sure your answers are what you REALLY feel... Last chance....
Look at the interpretations below:
Question 1 - The order that you choose defines the priorities in your life.
Cow: signifies career.
Tiger: signifies pride.
Sheep: signifies love.
Horse: signifies family.
Pig: signifies money.
Question 2 - Descriptions
Your description of Dog implies your own personality.
Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality.
Your description of Rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of Coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of Ocean implies your own life.
Question 3 - Colors
Yellow: Someone you will never forget.
Orange: Someone you could consider a good friend.
Red: Someone you really love.
White: Your twin soul.
Green: Someone you will remember all your life.
"If someone does not smile at you, be generous and offer your own smile. Nobody needs more a smile than the one that cannot smile to others."
See if it works for you. Just 3 questions and the answers could surprise you. There are no right or wrong answers this is an honest questionnaire which could tell you a lot about your true self.
1. Put the following 5 animals in the order of your preference.
Tiger
Cow
Horse
Sheep
Pig
2. Write one word that describes each one of the following:
Dog
Cat
Coffee
Ocean
Rat
3. Think of someone (who also knows you and is important to you) that you can relate to the following colors. Do not repeat your answer twice. Name just one person for each color.
Yellow
Orange
Red
White
Green
Finished? Please be sure your answers are what you REALLY feel... Last chance....
Look at the interpretations below:
Question 1 - The order that you choose defines the priorities in your life.
Cow: signifies career.
Tiger: signifies pride.
Sheep: signifies love.
Horse: signifies family.
Pig: signifies money.
Question 2 - Descriptions
Your description of Dog implies your own personality.
Your description of Cat implies your partner's personality.
Your description of Rat implies the personality of your enemies.
Your description of Coffee is how you interpret sex.
Your description of Ocean implies your own life.
Question 3 - Colors
Yellow: Someone you will never forget.
Orange: Someone you could consider a good friend.
Red: Someone you really love.
White: Your twin soul.
Green: Someone you will remember all your life.
"If someone does not smile at you, be generous and offer your own smile. Nobody needs more a smile than the one that cannot smile to others."
Handwriting Analysis Test
Here's a test to see what your handwriting says about you. To take this test, please write the following paragraph as you normally would, and keep the paper in front of you so that you can answer the questions.
Remember, there are no wrong answers! You should write out this paragraph first to have a sample of your handwriting to check. Use at least two lines. (All you keyboarding types - you will need obsolete instruments, like PEN and PAPER)! I hope you will find it interesting. Discover at the end what your handwriting says about you!
1. How would you say your letters slope?
Remember, there are no wrong answers! You should write out this paragraph first to have a sample of your handwriting to check. Use at least two lines. (All you keyboarding types - you will need obsolete instruments, like PEN and PAPER)! I hope you will find it interesting. Discover at the end what your handwriting says about you!
1. How would you say your letters slope?
- Backward?
- Straight up and down?
- Forward?
2. Are the letters in your words
- Fully connected, with clear breaks between the words?
- Partially connected, depending on the letters?
- Unconnected, like printing?
3. Between words, do you leave
- Wide spaces?
- Narrow spaces?
- No spaces - words are connected, pen doesn't leave paper?
4. How close together are your lines of writing?
- Very far apart?
- Apart far enough that the letters do not touch?
- Close enough that the descenders (like y and g) of the top and the ascenders (like h and t) of the bottom overwrite each other?
5. What color ink did you choose? (If you used another color, which of these three would you prefer?)
- Blue-black
- Red
- Light Blue
6. How large was your capitol I in the sample?
- Larger than the other capitol letters
- About the same size as the other capitol letters
- Smaller than the other capitol letters
7. What do your t bars look like? (The crossbars on your letter t)
- They tend to be to the left of the stem of the t
- They cross the t more or less in the middle
- They tend to be to the right of the stem of the t
8. Does your writing
- Slope upward on the page?
- Go straight across the page?
- Slope downward on the page?
9. Which takes the most space vertically in a line of your writing?
- The ascenders? (the tops of t and h)
- The middle zone? (letters like a and e and n)
- The descenders? (the bottoms of j and y and g)
10. How much pressure does your writing show?
- Fine and spidery?
- Firm and even?
- Heavy?
Check your answers with the analysis below.
1. BACKWARD - indicates that you are shy and afraid to show your feelings, hesitant.
STRAIGHT UP AND DOWN - indicates that you are a person with a strong need for contact.
FORWARD - Your answer to the first question, the slope of your letters, indicates that you are reticent and very self-controlled.
2. FULLY CONNECTED - indicates that you are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
PARTIALLY CONNECTED - indicates that you are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
UNCONNECTED - indicates that you are a person who thinks before acting, intelligent and thorough.
3. WIDE SPACES - indicates that you are reserved, shy, cautious, and thoughtful.
NARROW SPACES - indicates that you are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
NO SPACES - indicates that you are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action
4. VERY FAR APART - indicates that you are isolated, detached, reserved, maybe even antisocial.
APART FAR ENOUGH THAT LETTERS DO NOT TOUCH - indicates that you are a person who is uneconomical and talkative.
CLOSE ENOUGH SO THAT THE DESCENDANTS OF Y's & G's TOUCH THE ASCENDANTS OF H's & T's - indicates that you are a person with a well-organized mind.
5. BLUE BLACK - indicates that you are rational, conservative, a person who adheres to conventions and traditions.
RED - indicates that you are spiritual rather than material, perhaps religious, and may have a deep understanding of other people's problems.
LIGHT BLUE - indicates that you are strong, vital, energetic, affectionate - you like action and have an original approach.
6. LARGER THAN THE OTHER CAPITAL LETTERS - indicates that you are a person with a high opinion of yourself, or who wants others to think that you do.
ABOUT THE SAME SIZE - indicates that you are a person who may be feeling depressed or have low self-esteem.
SMALLER THAN OTHER CAPITALS - indicates that you are well adjusted, harmonious, a person content with your current role.
7. THEY TEND TO BE TO THE LEFT OF THE STEM OF THE 't' - indicates that you are cautious, possibly uncertain about things.
THEY CROSS THE 't' MORE OR LESS IN THE MIDDLE - indicates that you are not very original but very responsible, possibly in management.
THEY TEND TO BE TO THE RIGHT OF THE STEM OF THE 't' - indicates that you are a reliable, conscientious worker, with possible leadership potential.
8. SLOPE UPWARD ON THE PAGE - indicates that you are energetic, optimistic, and assertive.
GO STRAIGHT ACROSS THE PAGE - indicates that you are a person who may be suffering from temporary depression or fatigue.
SLOPE DOWNWARD - indicates that you are steadfast, purposeful, and possibly aloof.
9. THE ASCENDERS - indicates that you are idealistic, ambitious, and intuitive.
THE MIDDLE ZONE LETTERS - indicates that you are a sensualist, a materialist, and prone to exaggeration.
THE DESCENDERS - indicates that you are a person with an overdeveloped ego and a tendency to be bossy.
10. FINE & SPIDERY - indicates that you are a person of sensitivity, refinement, modesty, and spirituality. You may also be overly critical and austere.
FIRM & EVEN - indicates that you are a person of strong but rigid will, obstinate but powerful.
HEAVY - indicates that you are a person of energy and elasticity, able to roll with the punches and adapt to whatever life brings.
Dream House
Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively. This is a relational psychology test and the answers given to the questions have been shown to have a relevance to values and ideals that we hold in our personal lives.
1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.
7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of body of water. What type of body of water is it (creek, river, ocean, etc...)
10. How will you cross the water?
Analysis
1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.
5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You'd prefer people to not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with, the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?
2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?
3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?
4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.
5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?
6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.
7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?
8. What do you do with the cup?
9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of body of water. What type of body of water is it (creek, river, ocean, etc...)
10. How will you cross the water?
Analysis
1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.
2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.
3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).
4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.
5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You'd prefer people to not drop by unannounced.
6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers then you are generally unhappy.
7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of your relationship with, the person from number 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.
8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person in number 1.
9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.
10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.
The Beach
The Beach - learn something about how your friends & families minds work & even your own.
Would you like to learn something about you & your partner's sex-drive? Try this with your partner & friends.It makes a great Party-piece!
It works using 'word pictures' with quite simple explanations. This test is used by professional analysts, so save yourself their fees or years at Medical School & do it yourself. When you've finished, we'll tell you why it all works.
First, we ask you to picture a scene, we'll start you off with a forest. In each question, select the option best suited to the 'word-picture' you see.
The Forest
Picture yourself in a forest. You don't need a great imagination, what did you see the second the word 'forest' was mentioned? Answer as best as you can.
Q: Is the Forest you see Dark or Light?Please select your answer from one of these options
a) I see myself in a forest in daylight.
b) I see myself in a forest at night.
c) I see myself in a forest at dusk or dawn
Q: Did you see a path?Please select your answer from one of these options
a) Yes
b) No
The Cup
Now we ask you to walk through the forest.
Q: You see a cup. What does it look like? Select your answer.What do you see? Choose from one of these options
a) I've seen a cup that looks valuable to me.
b) I've seen a cup that doesn't look valuable to me.
Q: What do you do with it?What do you do? Choose from one of these options:
a) I leave it alone.
b) I pick it up & put it down.
c) I use it & then leave it behind.
d) I pick it up & take it with me.
The Water
You continue on your walk through the forest. You see water.
Q: What does it look like?What's this water like? Choose the closest option:
a) I see a puddle.
b) I see a pond.
c) I see a stream.
d) I see a river.
e) I see a lake.
f) I see an ocean.
Q: Is the water you see moving?Is it moving? Choose the closest option:
a) Yes (fast).
b) Yes (slow).
c) No (it's still).
d) No (it's stagnant).
Q: How deep is this water?How deep? Choose the closest option:
a) It's shallow.
b) I can stand up in it.
c) I can't stand up in it.
d) It's extremely deep.
Q: You need to cross the water? How do you do it?I crossed it like this? Choose the closest option:
a) I step over, wade through or swim.
b) I walk round.
c) I use a bridge.
d) I use a boat or a ship.
The Bear
You continue on your walk through the forest. You see a bear.
Q: Describe it?What sort of bear? Choose from one of these options:
a) I saw a cute teddy.
b) I saw a real one.
Q: What's your bear doing? Choose the closest option.What's you bear up to? Choose the closest option:
a) My bear hasn't seen me.
b) My bear's seen me, he's doing cute 'bear type' things.
c) My bear's seen me, but is minding his own business.
d) My bear's seen me, & he's looking threatening.
e) None of them... he's coming right at me!
Q: You need to move on. How do get around the bear?What do you do? Choose the closest option:
a) I don't. Actually, he's cute, I'm seriously considering adoption.
b) I ignore him & walk on.
c) I get out of there before he sees me.
d) I run up a tree or hide.
e) I stand & fight. I win.
f) I stand & fight. I suffer a slight wound.
g) None of these options is close.
The Beach
You continue walking. You reach a beach. Picture it.
Q: How many people do you see?Are there people? Choose the closest option:
a) Hundreds, maybe thousands.
b) 20-100 people.
c) One or two.
d) None.
Q: How far are the nearest people?How far are the nearest people? Choose the closest option:
a) Close enough to talk to.
b) Not close enough to talk to.
c) Way off in the distance or the beach is deserted.
---------------------------------------------------
Analysis
The Forest & the Path
The Cup = Wealth
The Water = Sex
The Bear = Stress & Problems: How you deal with them
The Beach = How you relate to people
The Forest & the Path
The Forest is your 'life' & how you see it. If you selected a forest in daylight this would strongly suggest you are generally very happy. The more light your see in the forest the more content you're likely to be with your life. If you selected a forest at night, it suggests there are some major things in your life that you'd like to change or are dissatisfied with and that you're likely to be under stress for some reason. If you selected a forest at dusk or dawn this would suggest something in between, that there are one or two things in your life that you'd like to change.
If you saw a path in the forest you're not yet settled into your life as it is. Younger people usually see a path. Why is this? The path is symbolic of where you're going. People still finding their way in life are more likely to see a path. Those more settled in their direction or place in life (usually older people) are less likely to see a path.
The Cup = Wealth
The cup is symbolic of 'Wealth" and your approach to it. The question gave you the chance to see any sort of cup. A tea cup, a sporting trophy, a tin cup, even a steaming cup of coffee! This question gave you the opportunity to reward yourself. If said you saw a cup that appeared valuable then you rewarded yourself with something of value to you. If you didn't see a valuable cup then you didn't give yourself a reward when the opportunity arose.
If you left the cup alone you were given the chance to take a reward but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or 'Wealth' is something you think you've got to work for.
If you picked the cup up and then put it down again you were given the chance to take a reward and then you found an immediate use for the cup and used it there & then. Many people see a cup of tea or coffee & drink it. Did you do something similar? You left the chance for reward behind you & found a practical use for the cup. You took a 'here & now' approach to the reward.
If you used the cup but then left it behind it means that you were given the chance to take a reward, you were curious enough to pick the cup up, but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or 'Wealth' is something you think you've got to work for.
If you took the cup with you then you probably saw a cup that was in some way valuable to you. You saw the chance to quickly reward yourself with easy pickings & you took it.
The Water = Sex
This is the one you've been waiting for. Water is symbolic of SEX for everyone, even more so for women. The depth and speed of the water you see is indicative of your attitude, appetite & approach to SEX.
The speed at which you see water moving is an indicator of you appetite for sex. But, not necessarily your need. The slower the water, the lower your appetite. The faster the water, the greater your appetite.
The depth of the water is an indicator of how you see & what you want from sex. If you saw shallow water then you are able to reach fulfillment from deep & intense lovemaking. But you enjoy a 'quickie' just as much. In fact it's probably a preference. If you saw fast moving water too, 'little & often' is for you.
If you saw deep waters then your love for the 'deep & intense' doesn't mean you cannot enjoy the 'quickie', it's just not a preference. You get true fulfillment from deeper & more intense lovemaking. For you, still waters run deep.
The ease with which you cross the water is an indicator of your attitude & approach to sex. The more easily you crossed the water, the more comfortable or liberal you're likely to be in your approach to sex.
The Bear = Stress & Problems: How you deal with them
The bear is symbolic of problems & how you deal with them. The question gave you the chance to see a problem. If you saw a Teddy-Bear or Winnie-the-Pooh then in relative terms your life is stress free & when given a problem you don't see one. You're pretty happy with life too.
If you saw a real bear you were given the chance to see a problem. People under routine-stress will see large & very dangerous bears.
Equally a bear you're ignoring or was ignoring you, is indicative of how you see stress & problems when they're presented to you.
If the bear hasn't see you or has seen you but is doing cute 'bear type' things then you don't have many real problems in your life. You're not under everyday stress or worry. Given the chance to see a problem, you didn't see one. No bad thing.
If the bear has seen you but is minding his own business then whilst you have the usual problems in your life, you're not under unhealthy levels of stress or worry.
If the bear has seen you and is looking threatening you need a holiday! You're under high levels of stress or worry. This could be unhealthy.
How you get round the bear is indicative of how you deal with problems & how you resolve them. If you answered that you were considering adoption then your approach is very different to other people's. Unfortunately for them, most people are under much more stress than you.
The Beach = How you relate to people
The beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. How many people you pictured on the beach relates directly to the number of people you want around you. A truly socially gregarious person is most comfortable in the company of a large number of people, and seeks the audience (this personality type sees a beach packed with people). At the opposite end of the scale, those people that see a deserted beach are happy with their own company. They're very happy to spend long periods on their own where others would feel lonely.
If you saw hundreds then you're quite a social animal, a person that's very comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even seek them out. You may like an audience. Where're you going toni or two people then you're a person who wouldn't want to spend a whole lot of time in crowded pubs, clubs or bars. You prefer talking to one or two people rather than a group. You can be a social animal, but you're often content with your own company. The vast majority of people see a beach with one or two people on it.
If you didn't see any people then you're a person least comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even avoid them. You've the potential to be a social animal, but you wouldn't get lonely stranded on a desert island. You're content for long periods of time with your own company.Where you see people on the beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. If you saw people close enough to talk to then this suggests you want contact with other people most of the time.
If you saw people that weren't close enough to talk to then this suggests you don't need contact with other people all of the time, but like to know that someone is there for you.
If you saw people in the distance then you don't need contact with other people all of the time. You're happy with you own company.
Would you like to learn something about you & your partner's sex-drive? Try this with your partner & friends.It makes a great Party-piece!
It works using 'word pictures' with quite simple explanations. This test is used by professional analysts, so save yourself their fees or years at Medical School & do it yourself. When you've finished, we'll tell you why it all works.
First, we ask you to picture a scene, we'll start you off with a forest. In each question, select the option best suited to the 'word-picture' you see.
The Forest
Picture yourself in a forest. You don't need a great imagination, what did you see the second the word 'forest' was mentioned? Answer as best as you can.
Q: Is the Forest you see Dark or Light?Please select your answer from one of these options
a) I see myself in a forest in daylight.
b) I see myself in a forest at night.
c) I see myself in a forest at dusk or dawn
Q: Did you see a path?Please select your answer from one of these options
a) Yes
b) No
The Cup
Now we ask you to walk through the forest.
Q: You see a cup. What does it look like? Select your answer.What do you see? Choose from one of these options
a) I've seen a cup that looks valuable to me.
b) I've seen a cup that doesn't look valuable to me.
Q: What do you do with it?What do you do? Choose from one of these options:
a) I leave it alone.
b) I pick it up & put it down.
c) I use it & then leave it behind.
d) I pick it up & take it with me.
The Water
You continue on your walk through the forest. You see water.
Q: What does it look like?What's this water like? Choose the closest option:
a) I see a puddle.
b) I see a pond.
c) I see a stream.
d) I see a river.
e) I see a lake.
f) I see an ocean.
Q: Is the water you see moving?Is it moving? Choose the closest option:
a) Yes (fast).
b) Yes (slow).
c) No (it's still).
d) No (it's stagnant).
Q: How deep is this water?How deep? Choose the closest option:
a) It's shallow.
b) I can stand up in it.
c) I can't stand up in it.
d) It's extremely deep.
Q: You need to cross the water? How do you do it?I crossed it like this? Choose the closest option:
a) I step over, wade through or swim.
b) I walk round.
c) I use a bridge.
d) I use a boat or a ship.
The Bear
You continue on your walk through the forest. You see a bear.
Q: Describe it?What sort of bear? Choose from one of these options:
a) I saw a cute teddy.
b) I saw a real one.
Q: What's your bear doing? Choose the closest option.What's you bear up to? Choose the closest option:
a) My bear hasn't seen me.
b) My bear's seen me, he's doing cute 'bear type' things.
c) My bear's seen me, but is minding his own business.
d) My bear's seen me, & he's looking threatening.
e) None of them... he's coming right at me!
Q: You need to move on. How do get around the bear?What do you do? Choose the closest option:
a) I don't. Actually, he's cute, I'm seriously considering adoption.
b) I ignore him & walk on.
c) I get out of there before he sees me.
d) I run up a tree or hide.
e) I stand & fight. I win.
f) I stand & fight. I suffer a slight wound.
g) None of these options is close.
The Beach
You continue walking. You reach a beach. Picture it.
Q: How many people do you see?Are there people? Choose the closest option:
a) Hundreds, maybe thousands.
b) 20-100 people.
c) One or two.
d) None.
Q: How far are the nearest people?How far are the nearest people? Choose the closest option:
a) Close enough to talk to.
b) Not close enough to talk to.
c) Way off in the distance or the beach is deserted.
---------------------------------------------------
Analysis
The Forest & the Path
The Cup = Wealth
The Water = Sex
The Bear = Stress & Problems: How you deal with them
The Beach = How you relate to people
The Forest & the Path
The Forest is your 'life' & how you see it. If you selected a forest in daylight this would strongly suggest you are generally very happy. The more light your see in the forest the more content you're likely to be with your life. If you selected a forest at night, it suggests there are some major things in your life that you'd like to change or are dissatisfied with and that you're likely to be under stress for some reason. If you selected a forest at dusk or dawn this would suggest something in between, that there are one or two things in your life that you'd like to change.
If you saw a path in the forest you're not yet settled into your life as it is. Younger people usually see a path. Why is this? The path is symbolic of where you're going. People still finding their way in life are more likely to see a path. Those more settled in their direction or place in life (usually older people) are less likely to see a path.
The Cup = Wealth
The cup is symbolic of 'Wealth" and your approach to it. The question gave you the chance to see any sort of cup. A tea cup, a sporting trophy, a tin cup, even a steaming cup of coffee! This question gave you the opportunity to reward yourself. If said you saw a cup that appeared valuable then you rewarded yourself with something of value to you. If you didn't see a valuable cup then you didn't give yourself a reward when the opportunity arose.
If you left the cup alone you were given the chance to take a reward but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or 'Wealth' is something you think you've got to work for.
If you picked the cup up and then put it down again you were given the chance to take a reward and then you found an immediate use for the cup and used it there & then. Many people see a cup of tea or coffee & drink it. Did you do something similar? You left the chance for reward behind you & found a practical use for the cup. You took a 'here & now' approach to the reward.
If you used the cup but then left it behind it means that you were given the chance to take a reward, you were curious enough to pick the cup up, but left it behind you. Either wealth has no real value to you or 'Wealth' is something you think you've got to work for.
If you took the cup with you then you probably saw a cup that was in some way valuable to you. You saw the chance to quickly reward yourself with easy pickings & you took it.
The Water = Sex
This is the one you've been waiting for. Water is symbolic of SEX for everyone, even more so for women. The depth and speed of the water you see is indicative of your attitude, appetite & approach to SEX.
The speed at which you see water moving is an indicator of you appetite for sex. But, not necessarily your need. The slower the water, the lower your appetite. The faster the water, the greater your appetite.
The depth of the water is an indicator of how you see & what you want from sex. If you saw shallow water then you are able to reach fulfillment from deep & intense lovemaking. But you enjoy a 'quickie' just as much. In fact it's probably a preference. If you saw fast moving water too, 'little & often' is for you.
If you saw deep waters then your love for the 'deep & intense' doesn't mean you cannot enjoy the 'quickie', it's just not a preference. You get true fulfillment from deeper & more intense lovemaking. For you, still waters run deep.
The ease with which you cross the water is an indicator of your attitude & approach to sex. The more easily you crossed the water, the more comfortable or liberal you're likely to be in your approach to sex.
The Bear = Stress & Problems: How you deal with them
The bear is symbolic of problems & how you deal with them. The question gave you the chance to see a problem. If you saw a Teddy-Bear or Winnie-the-Pooh then in relative terms your life is stress free & when given a problem you don't see one. You're pretty happy with life too.
If you saw a real bear you were given the chance to see a problem. People under routine-stress will see large & very dangerous bears.
Equally a bear you're ignoring or was ignoring you, is indicative of how you see stress & problems when they're presented to you.
If the bear hasn't see you or has seen you but is doing cute 'bear type' things then you don't have many real problems in your life. You're not under everyday stress or worry. Given the chance to see a problem, you didn't see one. No bad thing.
If the bear has seen you but is minding his own business then whilst you have the usual problems in your life, you're not under unhealthy levels of stress or worry.
If the bear has seen you and is looking threatening you need a holiday! You're under high levels of stress or worry. This could be unhealthy.
How you get round the bear is indicative of how you deal with problems & how you resolve them. If you answered that you were considering adoption then your approach is very different to other people's. Unfortunately for them, most people are under much more stress than you.
The Beach = How you relate to people
The beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. How many people you pictured on the beach relates directly to the number of people you want around you. A truly socially gregarious person is most comfortable in the company of a large number of people, and seeks the audience (this personality type sees a beach packed with people). At the opposite end of the scale, those people that see a deserted beach are happy with their own company. They're very happy to spend long periods on their own where others would feel lonely.
If you saw hundreds then you're quite a social animal, a person that's very comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even seek them out. You may like an audience. Where're you going toni or two people then you're a person who wouldn't want to spend a whole lot of time in crowded pubs, clubs or bars. You prefer talking to one or two people rather than a group. You can be a social animal, but you're often content with your own company. The vast majority of people see a beach with one or two people on it.
If you didn't see any people then you're a person least comfortable in a crowded pub, club or bar. You may even avoid them. You've the potential to be a social animal, but you wouldn't get lonely stranded on a desert island. You're content for long periods of time with your own company.Where you see people on the beach is symbolic of how you relate to people around you. If you saw people close enough to talk to then this suggests you want contact with other people most of the time.
If you saw people that weren't close enough to talk to then this suggests you don't need contact with other people all of the time, but like to know that someone is there for you.
If you saw people in the distance then you don't need contact with other people all of the time. You're happy with you own company.
Human Resource Department
This is a real test given by the human relations department at many of the major corporations today.
It's only 10 simple questions, so... Grab a pencil andpaper, keeping track of your answers.
1. When do you feel your best?
It's only 10 simple questions, so... Grab a pencil andpaper, keeping track of your answers.
1. When do you feel your best?
- in the morning
- during the afternoon & early evening
- late at night
2. You usually walk
- fairly fast, with long steps
- fairly fast, with short, quick steps
- less fast head up, looking the world in the face
- less fast, head down
- very slowly
3. When talking to people you
- stand with your arms folded
- have your hands clasped
- have one or both your hands on your hips
- touch or push the person to whom you are talking
- play with your ear, touch your chin, or smoothyour hair
4. When relaxing, you sit with
- your knees bent with your legs neatly side by side
- your legs crossed
- your legs stretched out or straight
- one leg curled under you
5. When something really amuses you, you react with
- a big, appreciative laugh
- a laugh, but not a loud one
- a quiet chuckle
- a sheepish smile
6. When you go to a party or social gathering you
- make a loud entrance so everyone notices you
- make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
- make the quietest entrance, trying to stay unnoticed
7. You're working very hard, concentrating hard, and you're interrupted. Do you..
- welcome the break
- feel extremely irritated
- vary between these two extremes
8. Which of the following colors do you like most?
- red or orange
- black
- yellow or light blue
- green
- dark blue or purple
- white
- brown or gray
9. When you are in bed at night, in those last few moments before going to sleep, you lie
- stretched out on your back
- stretched out face down on your stomach
- on your side, slightly curled
- with your head on one arm
- with your head under the covers
10. You often dream that you are
- falling
- fighting or struggling
- searching for something or somebody
- flying or floatinge. you usually have dreamless sleep
- your dreams are always pleasant
POINTS:
1. a. 2 b. 4 c. 6
2. a. 6 b. 4 c. 7 d. 2 e. 1
3. a. 4 b. 2 c. 5 d. 7 e. 6
4. a. 4 b. 6 c. 2 d. 1
5. a. 6 b. 4 c. 3 d. 5 e. 2
6. a. 6 b. 4 c. 2
7. a. 6 b. 2 c. 4
8. a. 6 b. 7 c. 5 d. 4 e. 3 f. 2 g. 1
9. a. 7 b. 6 c. 4 d. 2 e. 1
10. a. 4 b. 2 c. 3 d. 5 e. 6 f. 1
Now add up the total number of points.
OVER 60 POINTS: Others see you as someone they should "handle with care" You're seen as vain, self-centered, and who is extremely dominant. Others may admire you, wishing they could be more like you, but don't always trust you, hesitating to become too deeply involved with you.
51 TO 60 POINTS: Others see you as an exciting, highly volatile, rather impulsive personality; a naturalleader, who's quick to make decisions, though notalways the right ones. They see you as bold andadventuresome, someone who will try anything once; someone who takes chances and enjoys an adventure. They enjoy being in your company because of the excitement you radiate.
41 TO 50 POINTS: Others see you as fresh, lively,charming, amusing, practical, and always interesting;someone who's constantly in the center of attention,but sufficiently well-balanced not to let it go to their head. They also see you as kind, considerate, and understanding; someone who'll always cheer them up and help them out.
31 TO 40 POINTS: Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful & practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest...Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.
21 TO 30 POINTS: Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment, expecting you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then, usually decide against it. They think this reaction is caused partly by your careful nature.UNDER 21 POINTS: People think you are shy, nervous, and indecisive, someone who needs looking after, who always wants someone else to make the decisions & who doesn't want to get involved with anyone or anything. They see you as a worrier who always sees problems that don't exist. Some people think you're boring. Only those who know you well know that you aren't.
Priority Test - What are your priorities in life?
We often get in some situations when we take decisions without a second thought and this is the right moment to find which kind of person we are, as this decision comes out not from any pressure or any other reason but it simply comes out from what we exactly are. Find out which kind of person you are, what are your priorities in life and much more....
What would you do first if you are in a situation like:
What would you do first if you are in a situation like:
- The baby is crying.
- Clothes have spread out and it has started raining.
- Water is flowing from the tap.
- Doorbell is ringing.
- Phone bell is ringing.
Think about what you will do first then what second and so on…above all be honest!! Scroll down to see the explanation.
Each action reflects your priorities that you have set in your life. Take a look at the following table to see which priority corresponds to which action.
Action ...............................Priority
Attend the phone...................... Career and job
See who is at the door ..............Friends and relatives
Pick up the clothes ....................Sex
Attend the baby ....................... Family
Close the tap ..............................Wealth
For example if the first thing that you did was to answer the phone then your biggest priority in life would be your career and job. Similarly if the fourth thing that you did was to attend to the baby then your fourth priority would be your family.
Friday, November 24, 2006
Dealing with Conflict in Marriage
All marriages - even the very best of marriages - have conflict. That is a normal part of having two people work out a life together. But there are good ways to work out differences - and there are bad ways.
Learn to live with things that cannot change. You may wish that your partner was different in many ways. Some of those things simply cannot change. Learn to accept that. Be glad that you can bring to your partnership some qualities that your partner does not have. Be glad that your partner can bring qualities that you do not have.
Start a relationship discussion at a time when you want to strengthen your relationship. If you are feeling angry or tired and want to correct or hurt your partner, it is not a good time to start a discussion. If your partner is tired or frustrated, save the discussion until later.
Many relationship discussions get started late at night when both partners are tired. We shouldn't let our tiredness be our message. Save the discussion until you are rested.
Do not dwell on your complaints. Sometimes we feel irritated about things in our relationship. We list our complaints and stew about them. By the time we bring up our problem we may have talked ourselves into being mad. Rather than make big complaints, we can make requests along the way.
Make requests. There are some statements that do NOT motivate change: "You never help me. You don't seem to notice anyone's needs but your own." There are more inviting statements: "I'm very stressed right now. I wonder if you could help me by getting dinner, helping me cleanup the house, or helping the children with homework."
Rather than argue about details, find common ground. In any disagreement it is easy to get stuck arguing about who did what and why. Don't waste your time dealing with such issues. Instead, focus on ways you can help each other.
When people feel attacked and angry, they do not think as clearly as when they are calm. We can do things to help ourselves and our partners feel more calm. We can start discussions without attack: "I would like your ideas on an issue." We can look for solutions rather than accusations: "Do you think it would help if . . . ?" If we are feeling too frustrated, we may need to reschedule our discussions: "I need some time to think about what you are saying. Could we talk about this tomorrow?"
Confrontation is not a very good change agent. John Gottman has observed that the only way to get people to change is by accepting them as they are. Conflict will happen, but love makes the difference.
Even marriages that seem unhappy often become very satisfying over time if both partners prevent anger and resentment from taking over. In fact, differences in marriage can help us grow and help us build a better relationship.
Applications:
Most couples argue about the same things year after year. They make no progress in solving certain problems and may even get more entrenched. Think of any problems or issues that have recurred in your relationship.
Learn to live with things that cannot change. You may wish that your partner was different in many ways. Some of those things simply cannot change. Learn to accept that. Be glad that you can bring to your partnership some qualities that your partner does not have. Be glad that your partner can bring qualities that you do not have.
Start a relationship discussion at a time when you want to strengthen your relationship. If you are feeling angry or tired and want to correct or hurt your partner, it is not a good time to start a discussion. If your partner is tired or frustrated, save the discussion until later.
Many relationship discussions get started late at night when both partners are tired. We shouldn't let our tiredness be our message. Save the discussion until you are rested.
Do not dwell on your complaints. Sometimes we feel irritated about things in our relationship. We list our complaints and stew about them. By the time we bring up our problem we may have talked ourselves into being mad. Rather than make big complaints, we can make requests along the way.
Make requests. There are some statements that do NOT motivate change: "You never help me. You don't seem to notice anyone's needs but your own." There are more inviting statements: "I'm very stressed right now. I wonder if you could help me by getting dinner, helping me cleanup the house, or helping the children with homework."
Rather than argue about details, find common ground. In any disagreement it is easy to get stuck arguing about who did what and why. Don't waste your time dealing with such issues. Instead, focus on ways you can help each other.
When people feel attacked and angry, they do not think as clearly as when they are calm. We can do things to help ourselves and our partners feel more calm. We can start discussions without attack: "I would like your ideas on an issue." We can look for solutions rather than accusations: "Do you think it would help if . . . ?" If we are feeling too frustrated, we may need to reschedule our discussions: "I need some time to think about what you are saying. Could we talk about this tomorrow?"
Confrontation is not a very good change agent. John Gottman has observed that the only way to get people to change is by accepting them as they are. Conflict will happen, but love makes the difference.
Even marriages that seem unhappy often become very satisfying over time if both partners prevent anger and resentment from taking over. In fact, differences in marriage can help us grow and help us build a better relationship.
Applications:
Most couples argue about the same things year after year. They make no progress in solving certain problems and may even get more entrenched. Think of any problems or issues that have recurred in your relationship.
- Which of them are un-resolvable?
- Which of the resolvable differences can you simply choose to accept?
- Which of the resolvable differences can you act to minimize or manage?
- What tools will you use to help you deal with resolvable differences? Humor? Patience? Distraction?
Which of your problems can be resolved by working together? Have you found ways in the past to have a better relationship as a result of your discussions? What makes your discussions better? When you have a disagreement, look for an opportunity to make your relationship stronger. (For example, "If we had a few minutes every week to have fun together, I think it would bring us closer.")
What is your reaction to disagreements with your partner? Is it possible to think about disagreements in a more positive way? (For example, "We both have strong personalities and sometimes we will clash. But we still love each other.")
Are you actively doing things to enlarge and strengthen the base of your relationship? Do you spend time together doing fun things? Do you take an interest in your partner's activities?
John Gottman has written an excellent book on marriage that includes a chapter on conflict called, "Solve your solvable problems." The book is called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. If you want additional ideas to help you work through differences with your partner, this book can provide practical ideas.
A FOUR STEP WAY OF DEALING WITH CONFLICT
PRINCIPLES AND STEPS TO SOLVING CONFLICTS
Principle #1 - This conflict I am in is natural, and can even be a source of improved relations and a good solution.
Principle #2 - The other person is a human being with hopes and dreams too. I am going to respect this person. And attack the problem.
Step #1 - Raise the issue clearly and with respect
Step #2 - Explore issues to discover underlying interests
Step #3 - Invent options for mutual gain
Step #4 - Develop agreements based on objective standards
Principle #1 - This conflict I am in is natural, and can even be a source of improved relations and a good solution.
Principle #2 - The other person is a human being with hopes and dreams too. I am going to respect this person. And attack the problem.
Step #1 - Raise the issue clearly and with respect
Step #2 - Explore issues to discover underlying interests
Step #3 - Invent options for mutual gain
Step #4 - Develop agreements based on objective standards
Turning Conflict to Your Advantage
12 rules to help you conquer life's daily battles.
Everywhere you turn, the potential for conflict exists. Conflict with ourselves (Should I get up and exercise, or sleep in? Should I have this piece of dessert?); conflict with others (I was waiting for that parking place. That flight attendant was rude.); conflict at work (Why is the project over-budget and late? That's not my job!); conflict at home (Eat your vegetables! Why can't I go to the dance tonight?)
Conflict is neither good nor bad—it just is. And what it is is a word derived from the Latin word "conflictus" (the act of striking together) and is defined as:
Everywhere you turn, the potential for conflict exists. Conflict with ourselves (Should I get up and exercise, or sleep in? Should I have this piece of dessert?); conflict with others (I was waiting for that parking place. That flight attendant was rude.); conflict at work (Why is the project over-budget and late? That's not my job!); conflict at home (Eat your vegetables! Why can't I go to the dance tonight?)
Conflict is neither good nor bad—it just is. And what it is is a word derived from the Latin word "conflictus" (the act of striking together) and is defined as:
- competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state or action (as of divergent ideas, interests, or persons)
- mental struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes, or external or internal demands
No matter how you define conflict, the reality is that it's a part of life. What is important is that you recognize and deal with it appropriately. You can either let conflict or the potential for conflict drag you down or you can use it to lift you to new levels of performance. Understanding what conflict is and why it exists helps shape your response.
Conflict generally results from poor communications, disruptions in routines, unclear goals or expectations, the quest for power, ego massage, differences in value systems, or hidden agendas. It finds its expression in rude, discourteous and sometimes hostile behavior; selfishness; strident and defensive language; lack of respect; and increased stress.
So now that you see what it looks like, what do you do with it when it occurs? Following are some guidelines that will help you deal with conflict:
- Ground yourself. When lightning strikes, lightning rods take the electrical current and run it harmlessly to the ground. So, too, can you take the jolts and divert them harmlessly away if you have a well-constructed foundation of core values that you adhere to. Having designed a personal mission statement that clearly articulates who you are and where you are going will help provide guidance and direction before the conflict even occurs. The old country song says it best, "If you don't stand for something, then you'll fall for anything."
- Look for warning signs. Be in touch with who you are. Part of handling conflict is to be aware of your own personal strengths and weaknesses, your beliefs and perceptions and how they shape your response. For instance, if you perpetually run behind and you've got an important date, leave a little earlier than normal so that if you encounter traffic, you won't lose your cool and overreact. Build "fluff" into schedules. Likewise, set realistic deadlines for yourself and others.
- Stay in control. Recognize that when you're dealing with people, not everyone will live up to your expectations all of the time. Reframe the stressful situation to keep your composure. Instead of overreacting when someone cuts you off on your morning commute, look for opportunities to be "nice" and let someone cut in front of you. Don't sink to their level. When you lie down with dogs you get fleas.
- Keep a positive outlook. If you expect good things to happen, they will. Conversely, if you expect bad things to happen, you better believe you won't be disappointed. Your attitude will govern your response.
- Maintain a sense of humor. Learn to laugh—harder and more frequently. Remember how hysterically upset some people can get and how comical it is. Don't let your boorish behavior provide comic relief for someone else. Laugh it off.
- Establish ground rules. When conflict happens, set goals for how to resolve it. What would happen if we don't fix this? What would a successful resolution look like? Look for common ground. Keep focused on a positive, solution-based outcome. Perhaps the only thing you can agree on is to agree to disagree, but do it in an agreeable manner.
- Drill down to the roots. Try to find the cause of the disease instead of just treating the symptoms. What is causing the conflict and why are you reacting the way you are? Everyone involved in the conflict needs to agree on a definition of the problem before the problem can be tackled. This could mean describing the problem in terms of each person's needs. There's an old saying that a problem well defined is already half solved.
- Think win-win. In conflict, one party does not have to win and the other lose. Sometimes disagreement will lead to a more effective solution. Sometimes a good decision is reached when everyone has to give a little. To change is not to lose your own identity. As a matter of fact, by changing you find yourself. And you find others. The only way to find a solution that benefits all sides is to learn more about each other. Beats a power struggle any day.
- Eliminate emotions. Separate your feelings from the problem. When your emotions get mixed up in the conflict, the outcome is in doubt. Emotions color your perceptions and your logic and cloud the rational thinking that is essential to arriving at a solution.
- Brainstorm. There might be a variety of solutions if everyone is focused on a positive outcome and engaged in the process. Challenge yourself and others to be creative about the possibilities available to you.
- Concentrate on what you can control. What should you take ownership of and fix? What falls under your sphere of influence? What impact will you have on the desired outcome? Learn to focus your attention and activities, where you can make a difference. Don't get caught up in areas beyond your control. You've got to learn to let go of those.
- Take action. Once you've arrived at a win-win solution, accept it and implement it. Don't second-guess. Make sure each person takes responsibility for agreeing with the decision.
When we accept and understand conflict, we allow ourselves to grow, change, and to be empowered.
Dealing with Conflict
Conflict occurs when individuals or groups are not obtaining what they need or want and are seeking their own self-interest. Sometimes the individual is not aware of the need and unconsciously starts to act out. Other times, the individual is very aware of what he or she wants and actively works at achieving the goal.
About conflict:
About conflict:
- Conflict is inevitable;
- Conflict develops because we are dealing with people's lives, jobs, children, pride, self-concept, ego and sense of mission or purpose;
- Early indicators of conflict can be recognized;
- There are strategies for resolution that are available and DO work;
- Although inevitable, conflict can be minimized, diverted and/or resolved.
Beginnings of conflict:
- Poor communication
- Seeking power
- Dissatisfaction with management style
- Weak leadership
- Lack of openness
- Change in leadership
Conflict indicators:
- Body language
- Disagreements, regardless of issue
- Withholding bad news
- Surprises
- Strong public statements
- Airing disagreements through media
- Conflicts in value system
- Desire for power
- Increasing lack of respect
- Open disagreement
- Lack of candor on budget problems or other sensitive issues
- Lack of clear goals
- No discussion of progress, failure relative to goals, failure to evaluate the superintendent fairly, thoroughly or at all.
Conflict is destructive when it:
- Takes attention away from other important activities
- Undermines morale or self-concept
- Polarizes people and groups, reducing cooperation
- Increases or sharpens difference
- Leads to irresponsible and harmful behavior, such as fighting, name-calling
Conflict is constructive when it:
- Results in clarification of important problems and issues
- Results in solutions to problems
- Involves people in resolving issues important to them
- Causes authentic communication
- Helps release emotion, anxiety, and stress
- Builds cooperation among people through learning more about each other;
- joining in resolving the conflict
- Helps individuals develop understanding and skills
Techniques for avoiding and/or resolving (board-superintendent) conflict:
- Meet conflict head on
- Set goals
- Plan for and communicate frequently
- Be honest about concerns
- Agree to disagree - understand healthy disagreement would build better decisions
- Get individual ego out of management style
- Let your team create - people will support what they help create
- Discuss differences in values openly
- Continually stress the importance of following policy
- Communicate honestly - avoid playing "gotcha" type games
- Provide more data and information than is needed
- Develop a sound management system
Causes of board-superintendent conflict:
How does a school board cause conflict with a superintendent?
- Trying to be administrators; overstepping authority
- Making promises as board members individually
- Involving themselves in labor relations or budgetary minutia
- Not doing their "homework" and failing to prepare for meetings
- Not following procedures for handling complaints
- Not keeping executive session information confidential
- Failing to act on sensitive issues
- Failing to be open and honest with the superintendent
- Making decisions based on preconceived notions
- Not supporting the superintendent - lack of loyalty
- Springing surprises at meetings
- Having hidden agendas
How does a superintendent cause conflict with a school board?
- Not treating board members alike
- Not informing the board members of public concerns
- Not providing adequate financial data or adequate information
- Using poor public management practices
- Making public statements before informing the board
- Failing to be open and honest with the board
- Not providing alternatives in an objective manner
- Not adjusting to the new reality of an involved board
- Not support the board - lack of loyalty
- Springing surprises at meetings
- Having hidden agendas
Elements of a strong board-superintendent partnerships
- Full disclosure
- Frequent two-way communication
- Careful planning
- Informal interaction
- Periodic evaluation
- Mutual support
Courageous decision controversies:
The controversies usually involve:
- Changes in the way "we've always done things"
- Notions of fundamental values
- Determined, articulate advocates for every side
- Inability to compromise
- Rampant rumors
- Threats of retaliation at the polls at the next bond, levy or school
- Board election
Resolving Conflict
Searching for the causes of conflict is essential to be successful in resolving the conflict. Nine possible causes of conflict include:
- Conflict with self
- Needs or wants are not being met
- Values are being tested
- Perceptions are being questioned
- Assumptions are being made
- Knowledge is minimal
- Expectations are too high/too low
- Personality, race, or gender differences are present
Reaching Consensus through Collaboration
Groups often collaborate closely in order to reach consensus or agreement. The ability to use collaboration requires the recognition of and respect for everyone's ideas, opinions, and suggestions. Consensus requires that each participant must agree on the point being discussed before it becomes a part of the decision. Not every point will meet with everyone's complete approval. Unanimity is not the goal. The goal is to have individuals accept a point of view based on logic. When individuals can understand and accept the logic of a differing point of view, you must assume you have reached consensus.
Follow these guidelines for reaching consensus:
- Avoid arguing over individual ranking or position. Present a position as logically as possible.
- Avoid "win-lose" statements. Discard the notion that someone must win.
- Avoid changing of minds only in order to avoid conflict and to achieve harmony.
- Avoid majority voting, averaging, bargaining, or coin flipping. These do not lead to consensus. Treat differences of opinion as indicative of incomplete sharing of relevant information, keep asking questions.
- Keep the attitude that holding different views is both natural and healthy to a group.
- View initial agreement as suspect. Explore the reasons underlying apparent agreement and make sure that members have willingly agreed.
Dealing with Difficult People-II
Anne Lamott, in her book "Bird by Bird," wrote "I don't think you have time to waste on someone who does not respond to you with kindness and respect. You don't want to spend your time around people who make you hold your breath." While her comment in the book refers to someone who offers constructive criticism of a writer's first draft, her philosophy applies just as clearly to dealing with people in general.
You don't need to go through life "holding your breath" around people who are considered "difficult!" Dealing with them has more to do with setting boundaries and limitations for ourselves regarding what we will, or will not tolerate from others. The best we can do is understand what motivates them, try to improve the effectiveness of our actions, maintain our integrity and self-esteem, and know when to let go!
Difficult People Defined
Just for giggles, poll the people around you and ask what is their definition of a difficult person. Most likely you'll get just as many versions as the number of people you survey. But if you looked for the common themes, you'd find it's typically someone whose troublesome behavior…
Apply a friendly, silent stare toward the person and hold it. Don't be tempted to fill the space with words to ease your own discomfort. Comment on the fact you find it interesting they're refusing to communicate, then ask: Are you concerned about my reaction? How do you think I'll react? You look distressed/worried/concerned. Am I misinterpreting? Am I wrong that you're feeling uncomfortable, annoyed, angry, or impatient? Set time limits and be prepared for an "I don't know" response. You may either assume it's genuine or it's a stalling tactic and reply, "It appears our meeting is at an impasse." Return to the friendly, silent stare and wait for a response. If the clam opens up, be attentive, demonstrate active listening, and allow them be vague (it may lead to their main issue). If they don't respond, avoid a polite ending by stating you intend to revisit the issue again. State you assume their lack of response means X to you, and list the actions you will take if effective communication doesn't occur.
You don't need to go through life "holding your breath" around people who are considered "difficult!" Dealing with them has more to do with setting boundaries and limitations for ourselves regarding what we will, or will not tolerate from others. The best we can do is understand what motivates them, try to improve the effectiveness of our actions, maintain our integrity and self-esteem, and know when to let go!
Difficult People Defined
Just for giggles, poll the people around you and ask what is their definition of a difficult person. Most likely you'll get just as many versions as the number of people you survey. But if you looked for the common themes, you'd find it's typically someone whose troublesome behavior…
- Affects most people, not just the overly sensitive, weak, or incompetent. In other words, 99% of the people you work with also think this person is a pain in the posterior!
- Is set at a lower threshold and is more easily triggered. They're unpredictable, and seem to "go off" over the smallest little things.
- Is frequent and habitual. They exhibit this type of behavior most of the time.
Human behavior experts, like Dr. Robert M. Bramson, in "Coping with Difficult People," has categorized them into 6 types and recommends the following strategies for working more effectively with them:
The Hostile/Aggressive
This is the bully who always needs to be right. They tend to be abusive, abrupt, accusatory, intimidating, arbitrary, and arrogant. They value high levels of self-confidence and aggressiveness and demean those who don't possess them.
Coping Strategies:
- Stand up to them without fighting by assertively expressing your opinion ("In my opinion, I disagree with you.") If you allow a fight to escalate you'll never win against these people and you may end up losing the war.
- Take unpredictable actions to get their attention: drop a book, stand up, firmly call them by name, get them to sit down and don't sit until they do.
- Be prepared for friendly overtures as soon as they view you as worthy of respect.
The Complainer
They avoid taking responsibility. These are the people who find fault with everything, but may be some legitimacy to their complaints. They use an accusatory tone, and come across as powerless, fatalistic, morally perfect, and self-righteous.
Coping Strategies:
- Break the self-fulfilling cycle of passivity, blaming, and powerlessness by insisting on a problem solving approach. Ask for complaints in writing, ask open-ended questions, and assign them to fact-finding tasks.
- Listen attentively. They may just need to blow off steam, which could provide information that's important to you.
- Be prepared to interrupt and take control. Pin them down to the specifics.
- Don't agree. Agreeing only validates for them that it is your fault and they are blameless.
- If all else fails, ask them how they would like the discussion to end; what results do they want to achieve?
The Silent/Unresponsive
These people limit risk and seek safety by refusing to respond, and are often non-committal despite the fact that something is definitely wrong. They use this form of calculated aggression to avoid facing their fears.
Coping Strategies:
Super-Agreeable
This is the "people-pleaser" who over-promises and never delivers. They avoid conflict at all costs, are outgoing, sociable, personal with others, and very attentive. They will tell you things that are good to hear and then let you down by making unrealistic commitments.
Coping Strategies:
- Make honesty non-threatening. Ask for their opinion without jeopardizing your acceptance of them as individuals.
- Be personal without being phony and let them know you value them as people.
- Don't allow them to over-commit or take on more than they can handle.
- Ask for feedback on things that might interfere with your good relationship.
- Pay attention to their humor - it often masks their true feelings.
Negativist
These people have been deeply disappointed in life and are unable to work through it. They've lost trust, tend to throw cold water on every idea, easily deflate optimism, and believe in absolute, immovable barriers. They are convinced they have little power over their own lives and believe those who do have power cannot be trusted to act reasonably or consistently. They may be angry and resentful most of the time.
Coping Strategies:
- Recognize your own vulnerability to discouragement. The impact these people have on others can be contagious unless you meet it directly with confident, assertive optimism.
- Don't argue with them or embarrass them. You won't get far by making it a "win/lose" battle.
- Allow them to play the role of "reality checker" by analyzing what could go wrong.
- Require them to cite specifics rather than make sweeping generalizations.
- Offer examples of past successes. Show that some alternatives are worth trying by saying, "I have faith that we haven't tried everything."
The Know it All Expert
They have a strong need for security in an unpredictable world, value facts and logic, and seek respect through acknowledged competence. Often described as "bulldozers," they are highly productive, thorough, and accurate. They possess an aura of personal authority and sense of power, and a tone of absolute certainty. They are usually right and will confront those who question their logic with a data "dump" that leaves others overwhelmed. They can be condescending, imposing, pompous, and sometimes make you feel like an idiot.
Coping Strategies:
- Help them consider alternative views while avoiding direct challenges to their expertise.
- You must do your homework, discuss facts in an orderly manner, and make sure your information is accurate and complete. Don't 'ball park' it or they will dismiss you as incompetent.
- Listen actively and acknowledge. Paraphrase rather than interrupt; it shows you respect their expertise.
- If you must point out an error or omission, do it by questioning firmly with confidence and ask for clarification by saying, "How will that look 5 years from now?
- Resist the temptation to assert your own expert credentials. It won't work. No one knows more than they do in their opinion!
Deal With It Or Know When to Let Go?
Typically, the longer we ignore a situation, the worse it gets - rarely does it "give up" and go away! Clearly, it's to our advantage to develop and practice effective conflict management practices that facilitate discussion yet do not dissolve into highly charged emotional exchanges. Kofi Annan, the seventh Secretary-General of the United Nations is a soft-spoken, yet provocative leader who is known to say things in a civil way that others may not have the courage to say.
He believes, "We work in an organization where one usually tries to avoid conflict, but when the issues are that important and also that persistent, one needs to find a way of getting them debated, and move forward in a rational and perhaps more organized manner."
So, how should we proceed? Dr. Bramson suggests:
- Assess the situation. Are they really a difficult person or just having a bad day? If you find yourself reacting negatively to practically everything they do, it may be a response to something quite specific about them like their hair, perfume, or mannerisms that remind you of your 3rd grade teacher, etc.
- Stop wishing they were different. We assume everyone must think and behave like we do and if they don't, we assume they're doing it on purpose to irritate us!
- Distance yourself from them by taking a detached, impersonal view. The more you can see them as separate from yourself, the less likely you'll be to interpret their behavior as being a personal attack against you. It's just the way they are; you had nothing to do with it!
- Interrupt the action. Recognize that a difficult person is adept at bringing the worst out of everyone! You, however, are free to change the nature of the interaction versus getting caught up in a cycle of frustrated expectations. You are not a victim! Do the opposite of what they expect.
- Time your response carefully. Choose a time when the difficult person is not under excessive stress or obligation. People are less resilient and flexible when under stress.
In the final analysis, consider whether or not you have the time and energy to "engage." Perhaps you recognize more damage could be done to your own mental health and self-esteem by participating in any interaction with this person. Your best option may be to withdraw from the relationship, and yes, that could mean you consider quitting your job, divorcing your spouse, eating lunch with a different crowd, or moving far away from your grown children.
We get to choose whom we allow to take up space in our lives, and as Anne Lamott also so eloquently said, "You can't fill up when you're holding your breath." You can't fill up with life, love, and laughter when important parts of you are simultaneously being drained away!
Thursday, November 23, 2006
Dealing with Difficult People
What makes people "difficult"?
Usually, the difficult person is someone who is working from the negative side of their personality, rather than a conscious desire to be difficult. The person is often unaware of themselves and how they affect others. They also don't realize how harmful their actions are to their own career success.
In the business world, we are constantly faced with trying to work with others who may challenge our ability to get things done.
There is great value to be gained when we take the time to try to understand another’s viewpoint. By changing our attitude toward them and changing our viewpoint about what makes them "wrong" we can find a wealth of knowledge to improve our own ability to work with people.
This article addresses a couple personality aspects that are common in the workplace. In future articles, we will highlight others.
Symptom: They know it all, so don’t dare to question them
This is a well-recognized trait, especially prevalent in technical people. Many other professions share the trait. We see it often in computer programmers, software developers, engineers, doctors and attorneys.
Example: As a business user of computers, you may ask what you think is a simple question and get a response that is something like "how DARE you question me or my judgment!"
Or, you make a suggestion and get a ton of excuses why that is not true, why it shouldn’t be done that way, why the person is an expert in their field, blah, blah, blah . . .
Eventually, you give up trying to work with them.
This symptom is a manifestation of arrogance. Arrogance is a defense against vulnerability and insecurity, often learned in childhood when parents constantly criticize a child for not being good enough. The person is so afraid of being seen as unworthy or incompetent, that they immediately throw up a defensive shield against any possible attack. This defense protects them for a while, but everyone else sees that it is false.
In the end, they lose credibility and respect — the thing they fear most.
The results of arrogance and defensiveness:
Usually, the difficult person is someone who is working from the negative side of their personality, rather than a conscious desire to be difficult. The person is often unaware of themselves and how they affect others. They also don't realize how harmful their actions are to their own career success.
In the business world, we are constantly faced with trying to work with others who may challenge our ability to get things done.
There is great value to be gained when we take the time to try to understand another’s viewpoint. By changing our attitude toward them and changing our viewpoint about what makes them "wrong" we can find a wealth of knowledge to improve our own ability to work with people.
This article addresses a couple personality aspects that are common in the workplace. In future articles, we will highlight others.
Symptom: They know it all, so don’t dare to question them
This is a well-recognized trait, especially prevalent in technical people. Many other professions share the trait. We see it often in computer programmers, software developers, engineers, doctors and attorneys.
Example: As a business user of computers, you may ask what you think is a simple question and get a response that is something like "how DARE you question me or my judgment!"
Or, you make a suggestion and get a ton of excuses why that is not true, why it shouldn’t be done that way, why the person is an expert in their field, blah, blah, blah . . .
Eventually, you give up trying to work with them.
This symptom is a manifestation of arrogance. Arrogance is a defense against vulnerability and insecurity, often learned in childhood when parents constantly criticize a child for not being good enough. The person is so afraid of being seen as unworthy or incompetent, that they immediately throw up a defensive shield against any possible attack. This defense protects them for a while, but everyone else sees that it is false.
In the end, they lose credibility and respect — the thing they fear most.
The results of arrogance and defensiveness:
- People refuse to deal with them
- People don’t believe what they say
- People think they really don’t know their job
- They may be fired eventually because of their attitude.
Symptom: Do it my way, or else!!
This is another well recognized trait that seems prevalent in people in management positions or positions of corporate power. No matter what anyone says or does, this person will force their ideas on everyone else. There can be no open discussion or involvement. Things MUST be done this person’s way or else.
Example: In a meeting, if someone offers a suggestion, this person will strongly make it clear that their suggestions are not wanted. If you try to make a point, this person will crush any attempts to deal rationally with the situation.
Eventually, everyone gives up trying to work with them.
This symptom is a negative aspect of dominance: Dictatorship. This symptom is at it's worst when the person’s primary role is warrior or king. If they happen to also have power mode combined with Dominance, people will FEEL as if someone punched them in the stomach when the person lets loose with their verbal abuse.
The positive side of Dominance is Leadership. When this person is relaxed and working from the positive side of their personality, they can be quite effective and charming. As with Arrogance, stress or insecurity may bring on the attack. It may seem to come without warning or you may be able to see the stress building up.
In the end, the person loses their ability to control events — the thing they fear most.
Many people operating from this negative position are fired publicly, causing them great humiliation and complete loss of control over events. Needless to say, those who have been subjected to their tyranny are joyous in celebrating their defeat.
The results of domineering people:
- People will avoid them or refuse to deal with them
- People will not tell them the truth or provide them with vital information that might help them make better decisions
- People learn to ignore or discount their opinions or decisions
- People will avoid implementing their ideas and subvert their authority (consciously or unconsciously)
- They may be fired because of their bad decisions and poor leadership abilities.
Tips for dealing with negative aspects in others:
- When you see someone go into attack mode or excess defensiveness, recognize that it is useless to argue with them.
- Realize that the person is feeling very insecure at that time.
- Don’t continue to push them because they will only get worse.
- If the symptoms only seem to occur when the person is under stress, wait until another time to pursue the discussion.
- If they are always overly defensive or always attacking others, you may need to find another person to work with who does not have the same problem.
- Keep your own sense of self-confidence and don't allow yourself to be verbally abused.
- If the difficult person is your boss, reconsider whether it's time to find a job elsewhere.
Tips for supervising people with negative aspects:
- Help the person see how much their negative behavior is damaging their career potential.
- Set goals for them to learn to work better with others and monitor their behavior until it improves.
- If it does not improve within a reasonable time, send them packing.
Tips for overcoming negative aspects in yourself:
- Learn to recognize when your defensive mechanisms come up. Realize that you are probably not really being attacked.
- When you catch yourself feeling defensive, don’t react so quickly.
- Learn how to listen when someone asks a question or makes a suggestion.
- Ask people to re-state their question/comment/suggestion.
- Try to understand what others are saying by repeating back what you think you heard.
- You may want to ask for more time to respond, then get back to them. This will give you time to work with the question/comment/suggestion without the pressure of being on the spot.
- DO consider that other people have good ideas that are just as valid as yours.
- Take courses or workshops in listening skills and team-building.
- Find someone who can help you work on this negative aspect of yourself — a good friend, coworker, teacher or counselor.
- If it is someone that you interact with regularly, ask them to let you know when you are being a jerk and call your attention to what you are doing. That will help you learn to see what situations and events trigger your insecurity.
- Recognize that changing learned patterns of insecurity and defensiveness may take years of work.
- Don't give up on yourself.
- Learn to understand your own personality and your unique strengths and weaknesses.
- The effort to improve your ability to get along with others will be rewarded as you find more career opportunities open up for you.
SELF CONFIDENCE
Self-confidence is an attitude which allows individuals to have positive yet realistic views of themselves and their situations. Self-confident people trust their own abilities, have a general sense of control in their lives, and believe that, within reason, they will be able to do what they wish, plan, and expect.
Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.
People who are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.
Self-confidence is not necessarily a general characteristic which pervades all aspects of a person's life. Typically, individuals will have some areas of their lives where they feel quite confident, e.g.,academics, athletics, while at the same time they do not feel at all confident in other areas, e.g., personal appearance, social relationships.
How is Self-Confidence Initially Developed?
Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are crucial to children's feelings about themselves, particularly in children's early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage children's moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, children will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.
Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends' influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one's self. Students in their college years re-examine values and develop their own identities and thus are particularly vulnerable to the influence of friends.
Assumptions that Continue to Influence Self-Confidence
In response to external influences, people develop assumptions; some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and alternative ways of thinking are:
ASSUMPTION: "I must always have love or approval from every significant person in my life."
ALTERNATIVE: This is a perfectionistic, unattainable goal. It is more realistic and desirable to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
ASSUMPTION: "I must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all important areas of my life."
ALTERNATIVE: This again is a perfectionistic, unattainable goal and suggests that personal worth is determined by achievement. Achievement can be satisfying but does not make you more worthy. Instead, worth is an inherent quality and all people possess it.
ASSUMPTION: "My past remains all important and control my feelings and behaviors in the present."
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences during your childhood, as you grow older you can gain awareness and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless in the face of past events.
Self-Defeating Thought Patterns
Subscribing to these harmful assumptions leaves you vulnerable to the following self-defeating thought patterns:
Having self-confidence does not mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Self-confident people have expectations that are realistic. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.
People who are not self-confident depend excessively on the approval of others in order to feel good about themselves. They tend to avoid taking risks because they fear failure. They generally do not expect to be successful. They often put themselves down and tend to discount or ignore compliments paid to them. By contrast, self-confident people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally trust their own abilities. They tend to accept themselves; they don't feel they have to conform in order to be accepted.
Self-confidence is not necessarily a general characteristic which pervades all aspects of a person's life. Typically, individuals will have some areas of their lives where they feel quite confident, e.g.,academics, athletics, while at the same time they do not feel at all confident in other areas, e.g., personal appearance, social relationships.
How is Self-Confidence Initially Developed?
Many factors affect the development of self-confidence. Parents' attitudes are crucial to children's feelings about themselves, particularly in children's early years. When parents provide acceptance, children receive a solid foundation for good feelings about themselves. If one or both parents are excessively critical or demanding, or if they are overprotective and discourage moves toward independence, children may come to believe they are incapable, inadequate, or inferior. However, if parents encourage children's moves toward self-reliance and accept and love their children when they make mistakes, children will learn to accept themselves and will be on their way to developing self-confidence.
Surprisingly, lack of self-confidence is not necessarily related to lack of ability. Instead it is often the result of focusing too much on the unrealistic expectations or standards of others, especially parents and society. Friends' influences can be as powerful or more powerful than those of parents and society in shaping feelings about one's self. Students in their college years re-examine values and develop their own identities and thus are particularly vulnerable to the influence of friends.
Assumptions that Continue to Influence Self-Confidence
In response to external influences, people develop assumptions; some of these are constructive and some are harmful. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and alternative ways of thinking are:
ASSUMPTION: "I must always have love or approval from every significant person in my life."
ALTERNATIVE: This is a perfectionistic, unattainable goal. It is more realistic and desirable to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
ASSUMPTION: "I must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving in all important areas of my life."
ALTERNATIVE: This again is a perfectionistic, unattainable goal and suggests that personal worth is determined by achievement. Achievement can be satisfying but does not make you more worthy. Instead, worth is an inherent quality and all people possess it.
ASSUMPTION: "My past remains all important and control my feelings and behaviors in the present."
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially vulnerable to external influences during your childhood, as you grow older you can gain awareness and perspective on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don't have to be helpless in the face of past events.
Self-Defeating Thought Patterns
Subscribing to these harmful assumptions leaves you vulnerable to the following self-defeating thought patterns:
- All Or Nothing Thinking. "I am a total failure when my performance is not perfect."
- Seeing Only Dark Clouds. Disaster lurks around every corner and comes to be expected. For example, a single negative detail, piece of criticism, or passing comment darkens all reality. "I got a C on one chem test, now I'll never get into medical school."
- Magnification Of Negative/Minimization Of Positive. Good things don't count nearly as much as bad ones. "I know I won five chess games in a row, but losing this one makes me feel terrible about myself."
- Uncritical Acceptance Of Emotions As Truth. "I feel ugly so it must be true."
- Overemphasis On "Should" Statements. "Should" statements are often perfectionistic and reflective of others' expectations rather than expressive of your own wants and desires. "Everyone should have a career plan when they come to college. I don't so there must be something wrong with me."
- Labeling. Labeling is a simplistic process and often conveys a sense of blame. "I am a loser and it's my fault."
- Difficulty Accepting Compliments. "You like this outfit? I think it makes me look fat." The following strategies may help overcome such self-defeating thought patterns.
Strategies for Developing Confidence
- Emphasize Strengths.Give yourself credit for everything you try. By focusing on what you can do, you applaud yourself for efforts rather than emphasizing end products. Starting from a base of what you should do helps you live within the bounds of your inevitable limitations.
- Take Risks. Approach new experiences as opportunities to learn rather than occasions to win or lose. Doing so opens you up to new possibilities and can increase your sense of self-acceptance. Not doing so turns every possibility into an opportunity for failure, and inhibits personal growth.
- Use Self-Talk. Use self-talk as an opportunity to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to "stop" and substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting perfection, remind yourself that you can't do everything perfectly, that it's only possible to try to do things and to try to do them well. This allows you to accept yourself while still striving to improve.
- Self-Evaluate. Learn to evaluate yourself independently. Doing so allows you to avoid the constant sense of turmoil that comes from relying exclusively on the opinions of others. Focusing internally on how you feel about your own behavior, work, etc. will give you a stronger sense of self and will prevent you from giving your personal power away to others.
TIPS FOR SELF CONFIDENCE
Everybody needs a confidence boost sometimes, so here are a few tips...
1) Feel Good when you Want
When you need to boost your self confidence or self esteem, find 3 things that make you feel good. These could be memories of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person's face - use photos if it helps. Practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind.
Developing self confidence that lasts - because of the way emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, you will quickly train yourself to feel good when you want - a great help.
2) Beat Self Consciousness
Self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps...
a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.
b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:
1) Feel Good when you Want
When you need to boost your self confidence or self esteem, find 3 things that make you feel good. These could be memories of good times, a piece of music, a holiday souvenir, or a person's face - use photos if it helps. Practise thinking about them and bringing them to mind.
Developing self confidence that lasts - because of the way emotions 'attach' themselves to memories, you will quickly train yourself to feel good when you want - a great help.
2) Beat Self Consciousness
Self consciousness is the No.1 enemy of self confidence. Learn how to keep your attention off yourself. You can do this easily by following these steps...
a) If you notice you have become self-conscious, (you can usually tell because you start to feel anxious), choose something 'everyday' you can see and study it in detail. For example: examine a door, look at the different textures and shades of colour, wonder about who made it and how and so on. The important thing is that you're learning how to keep your attention off yourself.
b) If you feel self-conscious in a social situation, it's usually because you don't have enough to do! Focus on what your purpose in the situation is. Whether you're there to:
- find out if you like the other people in the situation
- make others feel comfortable
- find out some information
- make business contacts
- and so on...
It's easy to feel self-conscious if you have nothing to do, and much more difficult if your attention is occupied by a task.
Think how comfortable you have been with others when you're all working toward a common goal. The common goal of socialising could be making friends, it could be the exchange of mutually beneficial information, it could be whatever you want it to be!
3) Don't Take Undue Criticism - Even From Yourself !
Challenge your own assumptions. Here's a few to get you started:
a) Confident-looking people have bad moments too.
b) Just because you feel under-confident, doesn't mean other people can tell.
c) If you're saying things to yourself like "You're no good at anything" then rest assured, you're wrong. Everyone can compose a sentence, get successfully to the store, eat without choking. Don't let yourself make sweeping statements about yourself - in the long run it is this sort of thing that can really damage your self image.
Building self esteem is not just about thinking good of yourself, it's about not thinking bad for no reason!
d) Just because you have felt bad about yourself in the past doesn't mean you're always going to feel that way. I have seen hundreds of people surprise themselves once they have learned how to build self confidence in a way that it stays built!
PERSONAL MENTAL HEALTH
Personal mental health is important if you want to build your self esteem and confidence. Personal mental health guides towards happiness and success.
Personal mental health comes from the doing right things to find inner strength.
Personal Mental health is something you should give priority to. You need to feed the brain inspirational and positive messages and maintain self esteem. Are you healthy in mind and body?
Personal mental health comes from good. Evil leads to sickness of the mind. Happiness is only possible for you if you choose to be a good person. Helping others brings immense benefits and satisfaction, therefore happiness.
Personal mental health can be increased if you:
Personal mental health comes from the doing right things to find inner strength.
Personal Mental health is something you should give priority to. You need to feed the brain inspirational and positive messages and maintain self esteem. Are you healthy in mind and body?
Personal mental health comes from good. Evil leads to sickness of the mind. Happiness is only possible for you if you choose to be a good person. Helping others brings immense benefits and satisfaction, therefore happiness.
Personal mental health can be increased if you:
- Smile and laugh more
- Don't take yourself or life so seriously
- Realize that if you fail it is not the end of the world
- Walk everyday whenever you can (for exercise but also your brain needs fresh air)
- Dream about new possibilities
- Reflect on your successes and believe in yourself
- Do things you love as often as possible
- Welcome new challenges and experiences
- Do not watch, listen or read negative or evil things (especially violent, depressive or insane things)
- Try to avoid becoming obsessed with anything (moderation is self-control)
- Try to find beauty in everything and put your focus on beautiful things
- Enjoy some quiet time each day
- Try to help others
- Encourage and want others to succeed
- Be generous in everyway including financially
- Be honest to yourself and others
- I believe we are meant to be healthy and illness often comes as a result of negative thinking.
- So be positive, caring and love others and you will find happiness!
Make the most of each day
A bank credits your account each morning with $86,400. It carries over no balance to tomorrow. Every evening you lose the balance you failed to use during the day. What would you do? Draw out every cent, of course!!!! Each of us has such a bank. Its name is TIME. Every morning, it credits you with 86,400 seconds. Every night it writes off what you have failed to invest. If you fail to use the day's deposits, the loss is yours. There is no going back. Invest it so as to improve get from it the utmost in health, happiness, and success! The clock is running. Make the most of life today. To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade. To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper. To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet. To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train. To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident. Treasure every moment ! Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the present!
Self Esteem
Self esteem and happiness:
- Listen to your inner voice and follow them for it is wisdom that knows what is best for you.
- Talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet.
- Think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best-you deserve nothing less.
- Care about the happiness and success of others and offer them all the help and encouragement they need.
- Forget your past mistakes and focus on your successes encouraging yourself to greater achievements in the future.
- Always do your best so you can be proud that you gave it your best shot.
- When you help someone ask nothing in return, you will receive your reward ten times over.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Thought for the day
Acceptance gives me the experience of being like an angel: never judging, never criticising and never worrying.
Happiness: It is the art of living, the purpose of our existence. Happiness is the true index of quality of life. Without happiness, life is dry and meaningless. With happiness, life immediately becomes fulfilling and wonderful. Happiness is an infectious feeling that immediately lifts the sagging spirits of people. Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.
Life: Ignorance makes you believe that life functions haphazardly. Wisdom teaches you that everything that happens in this theatre of life has profound significance. What you see today is not the fruit of chance but a fruit from seeds planted in the past. Plant seeds of peace now and you will create a life of peace in the future.
Seed Of Action: Acts of virtue emerge from deep within, from an inner sanctuary of silence from which inspiration flows. Every action has its seed in a thought and every thought is a creation of the thinker, the soul. I choose what thoughts I want to create and as is my thinking so are my actions and also my experience in life. Going within, I touch the stillness and pure love that lie at the core of my being and every thought that I create is of benefit to myself and of benefit to humanity.
MATURITY: As we mature spiritually there is less need to have our self-respect bolstered by praise and special attention. As our thought processes become more compassionate and less self obsessed, we feel increasingly satisfied with ourselves and our lives. We relate to people more easily and feel no need to draw attention to our successes or complain about our problems.
The Wonder Of Silence: When the soul goes deep into silence, easiness emerges. The deeper I go into silence, the greater will be my power of tolerance. It is in very deep, extreme silence that the soul becomes elevated. It is in deep, deep silence that God can come in front of the soul.
Embrace Change: When you are aware and accept that everything around you is constantly changing, and that you have no control over 99.99% of it, you are able to embrace change like a close friend! Change is a like a river, constantly flowing and moving things around. The river of life is constantly bringing you ideas, people, situations – each one is an opportunity to be enriched or to enrich others, and to learn. Change is the play of the universe as it entertains us in the biggest light and sound show of all time. Why not sit back and enjoy the show!
Work: Work without happiness is like a burden that you have to endure, but when you are internally happy it becomes a game, and you're just having fun.
Creativity: Acts of virtue emerge from deep within, from an inner sanctuary of silence from which inspiration flows. Every action has its seed in a thought and every thought is a creation of the thinker, the soul. I choose what thoughts I want to create and as is my thinking so are my actions and also my experience in life. Going within, I touch the stillness and pure love that lie at the core of my being and every thought that I create is of benefit to myself and of benefit to humanity.
Generosity: Generosity means more than just giving. It also means to cooperate with others. The greatest act of generosity is to see beyond the weaknesses and mistakes of others, helping them to recognise their innate value.
Compassion: A compassionate person develops an eye for spotting the qualities that make each person special. Even when others are at their lowest ebb, it is possible to help them restore their self-belief by keeping a firm, clear vision of their goodness and specialities. Taking a gently encouraging approach, I must never give up on anyone.
Happiness: It is the art of living, the purpose of our existence. Happiness is the true index of quality of life. Without happiness, life is dry and meaningless. With happiness, life immediately becomes fulfilling and wonderful. Happiness is an infectious feeling that immediately lifts the sagging spirits of people. Happy people keep themselves happy because they know the little ways to appreciate themselves and to see the humour and magic in each moment.
Life: Ignorance makes you believe that life functions haphazardly. Wisdom teaches you that everything that happens in this theatre of life has profound significance. What you see today is not the fruit of chance but a fruit from seeds planted in the past. Plant seeds of peace now and you will create a life of peace in the future.
Seed Of Action: Acts of virtue emerge from deep within, from an inner sanctuary of silence from which inspiration flows. Every action has its seed in a thought and every thought is a creation of the thinker, the soul. I choose what thoughts I want to create and as is my thinking so are my actions and also my experience in life. Going within, I touch the stillness and pure love that lie at the core of my being and every thought that I create is of benefit to myself and of benefit to humanity.
MATURITY: As we mature spiritually there is less need to have our self-respect bolstered by praise and special attention. As our thought processes become more compassionate and less self obsessed, we feel increasingly satisfied with ourselves and our lives. We relate to people more easily and feel no need to draw attention to our successes or complain about our problems.
The Wonder Of Silence: When the soul goes deep into silence, easiness emerges. The deeper I go into silence, the greater will be my power of tolerance. It is in very deep, extreme silence that the soul becomes elevated. It is in deep, deep silence that God can come in front of the soul.
Embrace Change: When you are aware and accept that everything around you is constantly changing, and that you have no control over 99.99% of it, you are able to embrace change like a close friend! Change is a like a river, constantly flowing and moving things around. The river of life is constantly bringing you ideas, people, situations – each one is an opportunity to be enriched or to enrich others, and to learn. Change is the play of the universe as it entertains us in the biggest light and sound show of all time. Why not sit back and enjoy the show!
Work: Work without happiness is like a burden that you have to endure, but when you are internally happy it becomes a game, and you're just having fun.
Creativity: Acts of virtue emerge from deep within, from an inner sanctuary of silence from which inspiration flows. Every action has its seed in a thought and every thought is a creation of the thinker, the soul. I choose what thoughts I want to create and as is my thinking so are my actions and also my experience in life. Going within, I touch the stillness and pure love that lie at the core of my being and every thought that I create is of benefit to myself and of benefit to humanity.
Generosity: Generosity means more than just giving. It also means to cooperate with others. The greatest act of generosity is to see beyond the weaknesses and mistakes of others, helping them to recognise their innate value.
Compassion: A compassionate person develops an eye for spotting the qualities that make each person special. Even when others are at their lowest ebb, it is possible to help them restore their self-belief by keeping a firm, clear vision of their goodness and specialities. Taking a gently encouraging approach, I must never give up on anyone.
Jokes
Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Who fired the Shot
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
" I've never been better," the old man replied." I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then says, " Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun ".
The doctor continued, " So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him ."
That's impossible !" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.
" Exactly" Said the Doc
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name fromNASA to SATYANASA
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai ayour gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuyourrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuyourrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Dear Husband
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I'veBeen a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you Had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came Home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your Favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in Two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't Tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything Either you're Cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away To West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your Ex-wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You Look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my Brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your Negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten Million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But When I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was bornCarla. I hope that's not a problem.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?
Who fired the Shot
A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkups.
The doctor asked him how he was feeling.
" I've never been better," the old man replied." I've got a twenty-year-old bride who's pregnant & is about to deliver a child. What is your opinion about that, Doc?" the old man asked.
The doctor thought for a moment, then says, " Well, let me tell you a story. I know a guy who is a hunter. He never misses a season for hunting.But, one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his gun ".
The doctor continued, " So he's walking in the woods near a creek, and suddenly he spots a lion in some bush in front of him. He raises up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes the handle.
BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him ."
That's impossible !" said the old man in disbelief. Someone else must have shot that lion.
" Exactly" Said the Doc
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name fromNASA to SATYANASA
Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai ayour gir jata hai.
Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: I'm falling in love
In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Santa: Dhhuuuyourrrrrrrrrr. ....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Santa: Dhhuyourrrr dhup dhup dhup...
Dear Husband
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I'veBeen a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you Had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came Home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your Favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in Two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't Tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything Either you're Cheating or you don't love me anymore, whatever the case is, I'm gone.
P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away To West Virginia together!
Have a great life!
Your Ex-wife
Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You Look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my Brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your Negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten Million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But When I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was bornCarla. I hope that's not a problem.
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